Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Decisions, Decisions

How the depressed mind thinks when simple decision-making is impaired:

In the grocery store: Cereal - what kind? low sugar? high fiber? Ok, one of each that are on sale. What's cheaper - small box? big box? Maybe we don't need cereal this week. Do we have any oatmeal? (forgetting to look at list)
Bread - wheat? white? the whole wheat that looks like white to fool the ones that don't like wheat? How about getting some English muffins or bagels? which one? can't decide - never mind. (wonder if the list would help)

At home: Laundry - whites first? towels? clorine bleach? hot? cold to save energy? more than one load - no, because when I run out of steam they'll sit in the washer until they sour.
Do you want to go to a movie? which one? don't even ask - it hurts my brain to even think of it; just please choose the one you want - I will enjoy it.
Getting dressed - 5-10 minutes staring at the underwear drawer deciding which bra, panties and pair of socks to wear; then another 5-10 sitting on the bed in front of the closet picking out a shirt and pants. Keeping in mind the socks should match.

This explains why when I do wear jewelry, it's one or two simple pieces once in a while. Talking to the hairdresser - just do what you think will look good. It's frustrating. My mind, faced with a choice when I'm depressed, cannot think, choose, concentrate. It's very hard for people to understand. They think I don't care, but that's not it - my brain just won't go there right now.


girlfriday said...

Sigh. I'm sorry. Depression is such a nasty enemy mostly because it's subtle and deceptive. I think most of the members of my family, myself included, have struggled with depression. Mom is going through it now. I had even considered writing about it.

So... well done.

Unknown said...

Thank you - I'm really starting to feel better. My family has a history of bipolar disorder.I get a lot out of writing about it. I keep thinking of writing memior of sorts - perhaps in a new blog.