Truth Two

I ran across the 30 Essential Truths according to Dr. Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, on Alex Blackwell's great blog The Next 45 Years. Some of them hit very close to home. This post is about the Second Truth. From Alex's blog:

2. We are what we do. We are not what we think, or what we feel, or what we say, we are what we do. Actions do indeed speak louder than words. If you are unhappy with a particular part of your life, take a strong look at what you are doing to be happier.

As someone who has bipolar disorder, I need to remind myself that I am not what I think or feel. Thoughts and feelings become distorted by an unhealthy mind. For example:

FALSE	True
My life sucks.	My life is good and I have been blessed.
I hate this.	This is not bad.
Things are hopeless.	Things are never hopeless.
Fear	This will not kill me.
Sadness	Sadness is only a symptom of depression.
Despair	There are an infinite number of things that are worse.
I am so alone.	I am never alone. I have family, friends and God.
People are critical of me.	I don't know what people think of me, nor should I base my happiness on others.
No one knows how I feel.	Many others have depression and suffer the same feelings.

One the other side of the coin, I tend to go on about making positive changes, referring to myself as kind, honest, wise and a general all-around goody goody. Those words do not necessarily mean that's how I act. It's how I want to act. But what do I really do?? What did I do today that was kind? Did I tell the truth today or try to hide something that I don't like about myself in order to look good? Have I helped anyone using what I know? Do I use any wisdom that I think I have to build others up or put them down by pointing out what they don't know? Can I be helpful with humility? My goal: to include on my daily task list actions that back up my words.

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

I ran across the 30 Essential Truths according to Dr. Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, on Alex Blackwell's great blog The Next 45 Years. Some of them hit very close to home. This will be a post about the First Truth. From Alex's blog:

1. If the map doesn’t agree with the ground, the map is wrong. We are given mental maps as children. Our parents and other adults tell us what is right and what is wrong – sometimes they don’t always get it, well, right. Now as adults, when we find the maps we have relied on for so long can get us lost, we need to recalibrate and create more reliable guides based on what we now know to be true and where we want to go.

It took me a very long time to realize that changing my map would be good for finding my way. For example, a 'good guy' according to mom was someone who bought you nice things, had money, and treated you well. The goal: have someone, be dating, get married - anything else: failure. According to dad, a brain surgeon was the best job a person could have. He often told me that I could be a brain surgeon. When I became a college student business was the best major. When he told me the facts of life, he drew two squares: one home; the other work. He drew a line from home, saying 'you go to work' then going back the same way, 'and then you go home' You go to work, go home, work, home, work...and those are the facts of life.

My map says: A 'good guy' accepts your authentic self; cares about your needs and dreams; loves you. My map says: a relationship is not a requirement for life; you are responsible for your own happiness; in order to love you must love yourself first. My map says: follow your dreams; do what you love; don't forget to have fun. I'm not as cynical or practical anymore. I can look back and see the how and why of poor choices in relationships. My map will keep changing and improving my journey. How about yours?

Teen realizes dream with school in Vietnam

How much of an impact can you have on your world? How far of a reach? With a good example set by her grandmother, this teen accomplishes something that reaches the other side of the world.

Zen Habits

I've started signing up to RSS feeds. After a short time now, I need to go through and weed or will do nothing but read feeds. At the top of my must read list right now is Zen Habits. It's like I can't escape this blog! No wonder it won the Best Performancing Blog Award for 2007. If you'd like to get caught up quick, I recommend buying the new e-book the Zen Habits Handbook for Life.

Centering

From Pick The Brain:

The Now. Focusing yourself on what you have instead of what you don’t have. Focusing on present actions instead of future worries and past regrets. Focusing on what is.
Your Dreams. Center yourself on the direction you want to take your life. Re-reading any goals I’ve written down helps me reaffirm what I want from life instead of responding to cynicism and frustration.
Family. Center around the people you love. This may be harder to center on if you’re having conflicts with your family. But by focusing on the best part of your relationships you can center yourself on what is important to you.
Your Passions. Center around the work you love doing. Focus on your ability to create.

Resilience

Give yourself some positive self-talk by using these statements and tips from the Mayo Clinic:
Use the above link to read the entire article.

Characteristics of resilient people

Statement:

I'm able to adapt to change easily.

I feel in control of my life.

I tend to bounce back after a hardship or illness.

I have close, dependable relationships.

I remain optimistic and don't give up, even if things seem hopeless.

I can think clearly and logically under pressure.

I see the humor in situations, even under stress.

I am self-confident and feel strong as a person.

I believe things happen for a reason.

I can handle uncertainty or unpleasant feelings.

I know where to turn for help.

I like challenges and feel comfortable taking the lead.

Credits: Based on the Connor-Davidson Resilience Scale (CD-RISC), Connor K.M., Davidson J.R. ©2003. Adapted by Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

Tips to improve your resilience

Use these tips to help become more resilient:

Get connected. Build strong, positive relationships with family and friends, who can listen to your concerns and offer support. Volunteer or get involved in your community. "A sense of connectedness can sustain you in dark times," Dr. Creagan notes.

Use humor and laughter.
Remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations doesn't mean you're in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you simply can't find humor in your situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book or movie. (When my son went through a major depression in middle school, he really got a lot of relief from renting comedies, watching comedians and even read about becoming a comedian.)

Learn from your experiences. Recall how you've coped with hardships in the past, either in healthy or unhealthy ways. Build on what helped you through those rough times and don't repeat actions that didn't help.

Remain hopeful and optimistic. While you can't change events, look toward the future, even if it's just a glimmer of how things might improve. Find something in each day that signals a change for the better. Expect good results.

Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and hobbies you enjoy, exercising regularly, getting plenty of sleep, and eating well.

Accept and anticipate change. Be flexible. Try not to be so rigid that even minor changes upset you or that you become anxious in the face of uncertainty. Expecting changes to occur makes it easier to adapt to them, tolerate them and even welcome them.

Work toward goals. Do something every day that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even small, everyday goals are important. Having goals helps direct you toward the future.

Take action. Don't just wish your problems would go away or try to ignore them. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan to do it, and then take action.

Learn new things about yourself. Review past experiences and think about how you've changed as a result. You may have gained a new appreciation for life. If you feel worse as a result of your experiences, think about what changes could help. Explore new interests, such as taking a cooking class or visiting a museum.

Think better of yourself. Be proud of yourself. Trust yourself to solve problems and make sound decisions. Nurture your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you feel strong, capable and self-reliant. This will give you a sense of control over events and situations in your life.

Maintain perspective. Don't compare your situation to that of somebody you think may be worse off. You'll probably feel guilty for being down about your own problems. Rather, look at your situation in the larger context of your own life, and of the world. Keep a long-term perspective and know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.

What I've Learned

What I've learned in the last few weeks:

Not to take for granted breathing, speaking, eating, or my body's ability to move.
That everyone has their own way of dealing with and responding to stress.
That little kindnesses mean a lot and big problems can be insignificant in the blink of an eye.


That any day is a good day when:

You can look your loved one in the eye and say "I love you"
You can touch, hug, kiss and hold someone who can touch, hug, kiss and hold you - well, even if they can't and at least you can.