My Bike

Today I picked up my bike from Marty's Bike Shop.  Two unfortunate incidents occurred last year that put the bike out of commission: flattening of the tires and an attempt to steal it.  When it was stolen, it was ridden down the block and then dumped in a neighbor's yard because the tires were flat.  Now there is a new wheel and it's tuned up and ready to go. 

Cyprus 

With my Cateye bike computer, I can keep track of ... my bike riding (as soon as I learn how to use it!).  I also found a great site for logging everything I do: figuring out mileage of my rides, looking at maps - it works for walks and hikes, too.  MapMyRide will even find riders in your area!  It's almost as fun as riding!  So far, I've been taking easy rides.  Slight hills are work for me right now.  Trips down the street to the drugstore, etc. are now made on my bike.  I will save drops of gas by the gallon! 

If you are thinking about or just want to read about riding, my inspiration came from Zen Habits: Commuting by Bike. (one of my favorite blogs).  Happy Trails!

Truth Two

I ran across the 30 Essential Truths according to Dr. Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, on Alex Blackwell's great blog The Next 45 Years. Some of them hit very close to home. This post is about the Second Truth. From Alex's blog:

2. We are what we do. We are not what we think, or what we feel, or what we say, we are what we do. Actions do indeed speak louder than words. If you are unhappy with a particular part of your life, take a strong look at what you are doing to be happier.

As someone who has bipolar disorder, I need to remind myself that I am not what I think or feel. Thoughts and feelings become distorted by an unhealthy mind. For example:

FALSE	True
My life sucks.	My life is good and I have been blessed.
I hate this.	This is not bad.
Things are hopeless.	Things are never hopeless.
Fear	This will not kill me.
Sadness	Sadness is only a symptom of depression.
Despair	There are an infinite number of things that are worse.
I am so alone.	I am never alone. I have family, friends and God.
People are critical of me.	I don't know what people think of me, nor should I base my happiness on others.
No one knows how I feel.	Many others have depression and suffer the same feelings.

One the other side of the coin, I tend to go on about making positive changes, referring to myself as kind, honest, wise and a general all-around goody goody. Those words do not necessarily mean that's how I act. It's how I want to act. But what do I really do?? What did I do today that was kind? Did I tell the truth today or try to hide something that I don't like about myself in order to look good? Have I helped anyone using what I know? Do I use any wisdom that I think I have to build others up or put them down by pointing out what they don't know? Can I be helpful with humility? My goal: to include on my daily task list actions that back up my words.

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

I ran across the 30 Essential Truths according to Dr. Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, on Alex Blackwell's great blog The Next 45 Years. Some of them hit very close to home. This will be a post about the First Truth. From Alex's blog:

1. If the map doesn’t agree with the ground, the map is wrong. We are given mental maps as children. Our parents and other adults tell us what is right and what is wrong – sometimes they don’t always get it, well, right. Now as adults, when we find the maps we have relied on for so long can get us lost, we need to recalibrate and create more reliable guides based on what we now know to be true and where we want to go.

It took me a very long time to realize that changing my map would be good for finding my way. For example, a 'good guy' according to mom was someone who bought you nice things, had money, and treated you well. The goal: have someone, be dating, get married - anything else: failure. According to dad, a brain surgeon was the best job a person could have. He often told me that I could be a brain surgeon. When I became a college student business was the best major. When he told me the facts of life, he drew two squares: one home; the other work. He drew a line from home, saying 'you go to work' then going back the same way, 'and then you go home' You go to work, go home, work, home, work...and those are the facts of life.

My map says: A 'good guy' accepts your authentic self; cares about your needs and dreams; loves you. My map says: a relationship is not a requirement for life; you are responsible for your own happiness; in order to love you must love yourself first. My map says: follow your dreams; do what you love; don't forget to have fun. I'm not as cynical or practical anymore. I can look back and see the how and why of poor choices in relationships. My map will keep changing and improving my journey. How about yours?

Thank You for being a Friend

The Happiness Project blog by Gretchen Rubin is wildly popular among the life and success blogosphere set. Her post on how to be a good friend has these suggestions:

Here twelve tips for how to act like a true friend:
1. Be supportive when your friend has bad news. This is perhaps the most critical duty of a friend.
2. Be supportive when your friend has good news. This is trickier; surprisingly, it’s sometimes harder to be supportive when someone gets a promotion, gets engaged, or enjoys other good fortune, than it is to be supportive when someone is going through a hard time.
3. Don’t gossip. It’s not nice. (reminder to self-see #6 and #7) Also, although it may be fun to gossip about Pat with Jean, Jean is probably going to feel wary of being your friend—you’re not trustworthy. Along the same lines…
4. Keep a secret. One of the most satisfying aspects of friendship is that it allows two people to confide in each other. Spilling secrets will destroy that. Ah, it’s so delicious to disclose a secret—but you have to resist.
5. Exchange favors. Along with the feeling of intimacy, one of the best parts of friendship is the feeling of support it provides. And while getting support is important, giving support may be even more important for boosting happiness.
6. Don’t criticize a friend’s sweetheart or spouse (or children)—and, at the other extreme, don’t flirt with a friend’s sweetheart or spouse.
7. Be kind to a friend’s children. (especially a spouse's, which I've failed at)
8. Be friendly to a friend’s friends. In fact, in a phenomenon called “triadic closure,” people tend to befriend the friends of their friends – and this is very satisfying. Friendships thrive on inter-connection, and it’s both energizing and comforting to feel that you’re building not just friendships, but a social network. ("social network" is a buzzword that somehow takes away from "friendship" in my opinion)
9. Show up. Sometimes a friend wants you to show up someplace when you’d really rather not: a wedding in Topeka; a surprise party that falls on New Year’s Eve, when you’d rather be doing something else. Recognize a command performance, and don’t miss it.
Bonus activities:
10. Remember birthdays. (I am really bad at this)
11. Be nice to their pets.
12. Help a friend think big. Nothing is more encouraging than a friend throwing out some huge goal and saying, “You should do that!” “You should write a book, you should start your own firm, you should run for office, you should join the Council on Foreign Relations.” You never know, sometimes one encouraging comment can have extraordinary effect on someone’s life.

The Happiness Project

I'm participating in Happiness: The Group Writing Project You can too! Visit Alex Shalman's blog by clicking the link, answer the questions on your blog and your blog will be listed on Alex's which is a lot more famous. This could be good - great even! So here goes!

The Questions
How do you define happiness?
Happiness is being pleased with your present circumstances; enjoying family, friends, and activities; managing stress well; having a sense of well-being. I also believe that having something to look forward to and setting personal goals contributes to happiness.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?
My childhood happiness = 5 because of my mother's mental illness. She is bipolar, so growing up she had periods of mania, depression, and normalcy. Because of her instability and behavior, my parents divorced which contributed to my unhappiness.
My happiness now = 8 because of remarriage to a wonderful guy, a great standard of living, travel, and a better ability to cope with stress.

What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness? (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)
I love my (part-time) job at the library. Routine gives me a sense of well-being. I enjoy being an early riser and having a bit of time to myself first thing in the morning. I use an afternoon nap to 'reset' my mood since I seem to drop off in the afternoon.

What things take away from your happiness? What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?
Stress can take away from my happiness, especially worrying about my family. Severe illness and death in the family have been recent things that have impacted my happiness. I've used counseling and support to cope with these events. To lessen the impact of the types of things that take away from my happiness, I try to redirect my thoughts, count my blessings, distance myself from negativity if possible, and take a break from high stress situations if I can. If a situation is within my control, I can choose to remove the stress by fixing the problem or removing myself from the situation.

What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?
I plan on setting goals that focus on things that I enjoy. I have applied to graduate school because I love learning. My husband and I look forward to our retirement (or semi-retirement). I love spending time with my grand-babies and look forward to doing things with them as they grow.