Thank You for being a Friend

The Happiness Project blog by Gretchen Rubin is wildly popular among the life and success blogosphere set. Her post on how to be a good friend has these suggestions:

Here twelve tips for how to act like a true friend:
1. Be supportive when your friend has bad news. This is perhaps the most critical duty of a friend.
2. Be supportive when your friend has good news. This is trickier; surprisingly, it’s sometimes harder to be supportive when someone gets a promotion, gets engaged, or enjoys other good fortune, than it is to be supportive when someone is going through a hard time.
3. Don’t gossip. It’s not nice. (reminder to self-see #6 and #7) Also, although it may be fun to gossip about Pat with Jean, Jean is probably going to feel wary of being your friend—you’re not trustworthy. Along the same lines…
4. Keep a secret. One of the most satisfying aspects of friendship is that it allows two people to confide in each other. Spilling secrets will destroy that. Ah, it’s so delicious to disclose a secret—but you have to resist.
5. Exchange favors. Along with the feeling of intimacy, one of the best parts of friendship is the feeling of support it provides. And while getting support is important, giving support may be even more important for boosting happiness.
6. Don’t criticize a friend’s sweetheart or spouse (or children)—and, at the other extreme, don’t flirt with a friend’s sweetheart or spouse.
7. Be kind to a friend’s children. (especially a spouse's, which I've failed at)
8. Be friendly to a friend’s friends. In fact, in a phenomenon called “triadic closure,” people tend to befriend the friends of their friends – and this is very satisfying. Friendships thrive on inter-connection, and it’s both energizing and comforting to feel that you’re building not just friendships, but a social network. ("social network" is a buzzword that somehow takes away from "friendship" in my opinion)
9. Show up. Sometimes a friend wants you to show up someplace when you’d really rather not: a wedding in Topeka; a surprise party that falls on New Year’s Eve, when you’d rather be doing something else. Recognize a command performance, and don’t miss it.
Bonus activities:
10. Remember birthdays. (I am really bad at this)
11. Be nice to their pets.
12. Help a friend think big. Nothing is more encouraging than a friend throwing out some huge goal and saying, “You should do that!” “You should write a book, you should start your own firm, you should run for office, you should join the Council on Foreign Relations.” You never know, sometimes one encouraging comment can have extraordinary effect on someone’s life.

Boycott 2008 Summer Olympic Sponsors

I've sent the following message to the Worldwide Sponsors of the 2008 Olympics:

In protest of the actions of the Chinese government, I am boycotting products and services of the corporate sponsors of the 2008 Olympics.
I will stop my boycott when your company withdraws it's sponsorship or the situation in China is resolved.-- Stephanie C.

Tomorrow I'll start working on the Partners level of sponsorship.

Artifacts available!

Oh lemme at 'em!! A friend and I went to see this exhibit when it was in Akron, salivating over items for sale. Now that they are within reach...I may have to participate in the online auction.

A Ming Dynasty Spirit House

Page from a triptych of illuminated leaves

Ragamala Indian Painting

Teen realizes dream with school in Vietnam

How much of an impact can you have on your world? How far of a reach? With a good example set by her grandmother, this teen accomplishes something that reaches the other side of the world.

Indoor BMX

What could be better than an indoor BMX park to work off some cabin fever? And give you road rash? And make grown men act like teenagers. As well as really, really sore. Check out my significantly crazy other:

The Happiness Project

I'm participating in Happiness: The Group Writing Project You can too! Visit Alex Shalman's blog by clicking the link, answer the questions on your blog and your blog will be listed on Alex's which is a lot more famous. This could be good - great even! So here goes!

The Questions
How do you define happiness?
Happiness is being pleased with your present circumstances; enjoying family, friends, and activities; managing stress well; having a sense of well-being. I also believe that having something to look forward to and setting personal goals contributes to happiness.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your happiness now, versus when you were a child?
My childhood happiness = 5 because of my mother's mental illness. She is bipolar, so growing up she had periods of mania, depression, and normalcy. Because of her instability and behavior, my parents divorced which contributed to my unhappiness.
My happiness now = 8 because of remarriage to a wonderful guy, a great standard of living, travel, and a better ability to cope with stress.

What do you do on a daily basis that brings you happiness? (and how consistent is the feeling of happiness throughout your day)
I love my (part-time) job at the library. Routine gives me a sense of well-being. I enjoy being an early riser and having a bit of time to myself first thing in the morning. I use an afternoon nap to 'reset' my mood since I seem to drop off in the afternoon.

What things take away from your happiness? What can be done to lessen their impact or remove them from your life?
Stress can take away from my happiness, especially worrying about my family. Severe illness and death in the family have been recent things that have impacted my happiness. I've used counseling and support to cope with these events. To lessen the impact of the types of things that take away from my happiness, I try to redirect my thoughts, count my blessings, distance myself from negativity if possible, and take a break from high stress situations if I can. If a situation is within my control, I can choose to remove the stress by fixing the problem or removing myself from the situation.

What do you plan on doing in the future that will bring you even more happiness?
I plan on setting goals that focus on things that I enjoy. I have applied to graduate school because I love learning. My husband and I look forward to our retirement (or semi-retirement). I love spending time with my grand-babies and look forward to doing things with them as they grow.

Zen Habits

I've started signing up to RSS feeds. After a short time now, I need to go through and weed or will do nothing but read feeds. At the top of my must read list right now is Zen Habits. It's like I can't escape this blog! No wonder it won the Best Performancing Blog Award for 2007. If you'd like to get caught up quick, I recommend buying the new e-book the Zen Habits Handbook for Life.

Punk Covers Folk

My punk rock son pointed out various errors in this post, so look for a revised one in the future

California Dreaming/The Mamas and the Papas covered by NOFX and Pennywise and . . .

Vincent/Don McClean covered by NOFX (Google vincent don mcclean for tons of neat sites)

Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya/traditional covered by the Dropkick Murphys

Plus here's a whole list I found while looking for links to the above. Who knew??

Charity the Internet Way

Gimundo is one of my favorite sites for Good News . . . Served Daily. Their post on Five Ways to Give without Spending a Dime is worth clicking into.

Bumblebee

I'm not a big fan of bumblebees only because of the sting risk, but apparently they do much more good than harm! And who will solve the mystery of why have all the bumblebees gone?

Janet Marinelli explains how important they are on the Brooklyn Botanic Garden:

We live on a planet pollinated primarily by bees. Bees fertilize most of our
favorite flowers, and pollinate a third of the plants we eat. Bumblebees are
important pollinators of tomatoes, eggplants, peppers, melons, raspberries,
blueberries, cranberries, strawberries, and many other crops, and are the only
known pollinators of potatoes worldwide.

I'm not a big fan of global warming and whatever did happen to the ozone, but this seems like a legitimate problem that can be solved by those in the know. I found it interesting.

A Little American History

Betcha didn't know this story posted in the Devoted Intellectual. Not having visited, I didn't know and found it really interesting.

My aunt and uncle, a veteran of the Korean War, are buried there. How cool is that?

LERCH, LADYNE M
DATE OF BIRTH: 04/25/1923
DATE OF DEATH: 12/24/2004
BURIED AT: SECTION 65 SITE 1256
ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY
C/O DIRECTOR ARLINGTON, VA 22211
(703) 607-8000
WIFE OF LERCH, THOMAS F
LCDR US NAVY

LERCH, THOMAS F
LCDR US NAVY
WORLD WAR II, KOREA
DATE OF BIRTH: 11/18/1918
DATE OF DEATH: 07/03/2001
BURIED AT: SECTION 65 SITE 1256
ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY
C/O DIRECTOR ARLINGTON, VA 22211
(703) 607-8000

Happy President's Day and a heartfelt thank you to all of our troops.

The Goodyear Blimp

The Spirit of Goodyear was floating around the other day and reminded me of the ride I was honored to have years ago when I worked at Goodyear. My ride was actually in the Spirit of Akron, retired in 1999. That gondola that you ride in underneath the blimp? About the size of a minivan. It's amazing that the filming crews and their equipment plus the pilots are crammed in there.

While working at Goodyear, we caught a rare glimps of all three blimps together in Akron out of the windows of the headquarters building.

My kids and I lived in the village close to the blimp hangar at Wingfoot Lake, so we saw the blimp flying around all the time - it was cool. When the Spirit of Goodyear was christened by Sally Ride, my son and I went to the ceremony at the blimp hangar.

Good memories.

Centering

From Pick The Brain:

The Now. Focusing yourself on what you have instead of what you don’t have. Focusing on present actions instead of future worries and past regrets. Focusing on what is.
Your Dreams. Center yourself on the direction you want to take your life. Re-reading any goals I’ve written down helps me reaffirm what I want from life instead of responding to cynicism and frustration.
Family. Center around the people you love. This may be harder to center on if you’re having conflicts with your family. But by focusing on the best part of your relationships you can center yourself on what is important to you.
Your Passions. Center around the work you love doing. Focus on your ability to create.

Have a Heart, Donate an Organ

Gretchen of the Happiness Project posted about organ donation for Valentine's Day. My son brought home a wristband for me from the Donate Life presentation they had at school.

Coincidence? I think not.

More Ohio Babies

Cop's baby

Is it wrong of me to expect the police to 'serve and protect?' This cop not only killed his pregnant girlfriend (which he said was accidental?) but instead of following police procedure, disposed of the body with the help of a high school friend.

So the guy was mean, dumb and shouldn't have been a cop, let alone a boyfriend or baby-daddy. This little family story disturbs me so much more. How in the hell do you kill your baby in the microwave. What circumstances lead up to that? Somebody put that baby in the microwave, closed the door and pushed the buttons. How, how, how could that even occur to someone??

Free Travel

This sounds interesting. I may have to follow the adventure.

It reminds me of the one red paperclip guy's brother who had an adventure. Check their accomplisment here: http://hitch50.com/

Resilience

Give yourself some positive self-talk by using these statements and tips from the Mayo Clinic:
Use the above link to read the entire article.

Characteristics of resilient people

Statement:

I'm able to adapt to change easily.

I feel in control of my life.

I tend to bounce back after a hardship or illness.

I have close, dependable relationships.

I remain optimistic and don't give up, even if things seem hopeless.

I can think clearly and logically under pressure.

I see the humor in situations, even under stress.

I am self-confident and feel strong as a person.

I believe things happen for a reason.

I can handle uncertainty or unpleasant feelings.

I know where to turn for help.

I like challenges and feel comfortable taking the lead.

Credits: Based on the Connor-Davidson Resilience Scale (CD-RISC), Connor K.M., Davidson J.R. ©2003. Adapted by Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

Tips to improve your resilience

Use these tips to help become more resilient:

Get connected. Build strong, positive relationships with family and friends, who can listen to your concerns and offer support. Volunteer or get involved in your community. "A sense of connectedness can sustain you in dark times," Dr. Creagan notes.

Use humor and laughter.
Remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations doesn't mean you're in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you simply can't find humor in your situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book or movie. (When my son went through a major depression in middle school, he really got a lot of relief from renting comedies, watching comedians and even read about becoming a comedian.)

Learn from your experiences. Recall how you've coped with hardships in the past, either in healthy or unhealthy ways. Build on what helped you through those rough times and don't repeat actions that didn't help.

Remain hopeful and optimistic. While you can't change events, look toward the future, even if it's just a glimmer of how things might improve. Find something in each day that signals a change for the better. Expect good results.

Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and hobbies you enjoy, exercising regularly, getting plenty of sleep, and eating well.

Accept and anticipate change. Be flexible. Try not to be so rigid that even minor changes upset you or that you become anxious in the face of uncertainty. Expecting changes to occur makes it easier to adapt to them, tolerate them and even welcome them.

Work toward goals. Do something every day that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even small, everyday goals are important. Having goals helps direct you toward the future.

Take action. Don't just wish your problems would go away or try to ignore them. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan to do it, and then take action.

Learn new things about yourself. Review past experiences and think about how you've changed as a result. You may have gained a new appreciation for life. If you feel worse as a result of your experiences, think about what changes could help. Explore new interests, such as taking a cooking class or visiting a museum.

Think better of yourself. Be proud of yourself. Trust yourself to solve problems and make sound decisions. Nurture your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you feel strong, capable and self-reliant. This will give you a sense of control over events and situations in your life.

Maintain perspective. Don't compare your situation to that of somebody you think may be worse off. You'll probably feel guilty for being down about your own problems. Rather, look at your situation in the larger context of your own life, and of the world. Keep a long-term perspective and know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.

The Forgetting, part duex

"Every morning is the same."

I tried to give her a synopsis of Groundhog Day and got a blank look. She didn't know who Bill Murray was.

"Nobody comes to see me."

My brother comes once a week, but she doesn't remember.

"My own sister won't come to see me."

"Mom, Aunt Linda has MS. She doesn't go anywhere. She's had it for a couple years."

"I never thought I'd end up in a nursing home. How long have I been here?"

"Over a year. You came here after your ankle surgery as a result from a fall and then had to come back for good because of your falling so you could be in a safe place."

"I hate it here."

We had parts of this conversation over and over and over. Time to gently exit.

"I'm glad I was able to come see you today. Usually I babysit my granddaughter."

"You have a granddaughter??"

"Mom, Katy got married and had a baby last year. Rob's son and his girlfriend did also and are expecting another baby soon. Don't you remember us coming at Christmas? Everyone brought their kids and babies?"

"I remember that day."

That day was very exciting for her, but we noticed that she didn't call any of us by name.

Help! I'm LOST!

Both my step-daughter and I were going to miss this week's episode of LOST. My cousin was in town and we were meeting him for dinner and she had a meeting. She said she almost rescheduled it. "I am going to have to tape Lost tomorrow night, because I have a meeting at work. I almost made them change it!"

I thought she meant the show - uh...she meant the meeting. Her reply:

And, yes, Lost is going to reschedule for me so I don't miss tonight's episode. LOL. That is funny. You make me laugh.

Oh, and have fun at dinner tonight. What time do you think you will be done? I will call Lost and make sure they don't air tonight's episode until you get home. I can identify with being scatterbrained! I laugh because I can relate!

Ah but in the end, all is not LOST because it's on TONIGHT! My step-daughter is incredible, don't you think?

Depression

Author Tim Ferris listed "three concepts that I and others have found useful for preventing the inevitable ups and downs from becoming self-destructive thinking and behavior:"

1. Depression is just one phase of a natural biorhythm and thus both transient and needed...
2. How you label determines how you feel.
3. Gratitude training can be used pre- or mid-depressive symptoms to moderate the extremes and speed the transition.

Since I have bipolar disorder IMHO he hit the nail on the head for people who are not mentally ill. Reading the plentiful comments, I ran across the Ten Greatest Lies About Bipolar Disorder on Bipolar Central:

Lie #1:
You can survive without medication.

Lie #2:
You can’t control bipolar disorder.

Lie #3:
You only need the right medication and a great psychiatrist to be stable.

Lie #4:
Bipolar disorder is not a real illness, and not that many people have it.

Lie #5:
All people who have bipolar disorder are violent.

Lie #6:
People who have bipolar disorder can’t hold down a job.

Lie #7:
There is a machine or software program to scan your body or brain and determine if you have bipolar disorder.

Lie #8:
Someone with bipolar disorder will never get better.

Lie #9:
All psychiatrists are the same and give the same quality of care.

Lie #10:
There are natural proven cures for bipolar disorder that big business is hiding.

A Poem

By a great teenager I know.

Rain

Tat-tat-tat
Dancing on the roof
Streaming down the pane
Pooling on the earth

Puddles turning to rivers
An unsteady beat
Plays an up roar crescendo
Fresh green and brown watercolors
Smudged to fill the yard

Left-right-left
The wiper blades whip
A curtain across the wind shield
Head lights cutting the pour

Drenched through your coat
Foot prints three inches deep
Mud caked between your toes
Splashing your reflection’s face

The engine groans
Sighing from the water’s rage
The paint streaking across the black surface
Like a soaked blood stained cloth

Your head lifts, your gaze shifts
It shines and glints from across the way
Your mind in trance
Your feet wander with your eyes

Your pace quickens
The stereo blares
Trickles from the tree branches
Turn to buckets, breaking twigs

I run to the door
The tail lights turn
Tire tracks branding the street
The rain thins

Tail between your legs
Breathe, hot against the scarlet stream
Your eyes wide and awed
Heart beating with the rain

Tat-tat-tat
Dancing on the roof
Streaming down the pane
Pooling on the earth

Ohio Baby News

The bad news and the good news.

The span between evil and goodness is long and narrow. Being truly heroic means doing the best thing at the right time. Heroism is tested under circumstances. A person is not a hero by just thinking so, but by doing acts. I don't know if I am a hero until I am presented with a situation that requires my heroism. The good at heart would most likely be heroes. Someone who puts others before themselves would be a hero. Following the Golden Rule is heroic.

Bad people require bad thoughts, bad intentions and know before a situation presents itself how they will react. An evil person has an evil act playing in their mind over and over and when presented with an opportunity, will strike. Instead of stopping for one minute and thinking to tell someone what's going on and ask for help -- they will tear apart an innocent person's life not even caring that they're also ruining their own life.

My Little Rae of Sunshine

Rae Loves Orange Soda

Katy with Rae:

The Metallica t-shirt wearing Xbox playin' baby!

And she can play ping-pong!

The Forgetting

Things I forgot to take on my trip to Europe:

My new pointy-toe high-heeled boots I brought to wear with a skirt out to dinner. I had to wear slacks with my scruffy shoes.

Bathing suit - meaning no swimming for me in the heated indoor/outdoor pool.

Books to be read: The new Preston/Child book and a fantasy Snow White novel.

Guide books that I had borrowed from the library for Paris and Luxembourg so that we bought one for Paris at a used bookstore in Paris, which was kinda cool.

The scarf that I bought on my LAST trip because EVERYONE wears scarves in Europe. Hubby took a blanket from the airplane and cut it in half so that we both had scarves. He can be handy that way

Nausea medicine which I didn't need, but you never know.

And after forgetting all that, I forgot to buy chocolate to bring home!

Other than that, the trip was awesome. Pictures to follow.

What is the meaning of this?

Warning: the links in this post may be rated R

The story behind my blog name: A wife of a friend of ours has a nickname that combines 'mother' with her last name like this: Mo(ther) + Ho(the rest of her last name) to equal MoHo.
So my nickname is MoCo - I usually use MoCove for my nickname online. So MoInk is a variation of that which means Mo(re)Ink. Well, my daughter looked up Moink in the urban dictionary. I like number 1 because it could possibly replace the f-word. That would make my blog traffic tremendous, wouldn't it! Also, number 3 is good because, well, I'm a bit crazy like mentally ill crazy. But I would also say the urban dictionary crazy.

Drop Kick Murphys

. . . are my new favorite punk band. They are punk meets folk, if you can believe it. They cover traditional folk! So imagine the simplicity, the purity of folk music. No drumming, just strumming. All acoustic. . . . the original unplugged versions of everything. Songs from the common folk of the world, for the common folk. Take this music and add it ALL - DRUMS, LOTS OF ELECTRIC GUITARS AND REALLY BIG REALLY LOUD SPEAKERS. Then for my favorite part - a guy who plays the bagpipes among lots of other traditional instruments. That's the Drop Kick Murphys. I love them!

Of course, I have to credit my son with turning me on to this band. He asked for their latest CD for Christmas and we've been listening to it in the car driving back and forth to school.

Thanks Chris!

January's Travel News

At the end of this month, hubby and I are going to Europe! One week of working for him in Luxembourg will be sandwiched in between weekends in Paris. This will be our third trip - hard to believe, I know! Paris is a very famous city in France, so I'll tell you a bit about Luxembourg.

Luxembourg is one of the smallest countries in Europe nestled between Belgium, France, and Germany. (Lichtenstein is the smallest country, or principality) This small country played a mighty role in WWII and has excellent monuments and museums. General George Patton's grave is in Luxembourg.




The country is ruled by a Grand Duchy. But the most excellent place in the country and the best kept secret is the Sporthotel Leweck.

Last time we stayed there, our suite had a view of the Bourscheid Castle.

Now, how very, very fortunate am I??

Post No. 1

. . . of the new year! For Christmas, loving hubby gave me my very own laptop! Now I have the best computer in the house. Of course, I aim to blog more often and improve my blogging skills. (not this very minute, though)

The holidays are over, the guests are gone, and there are still leftovers. We were busy here and a few of us passed around a crappy flu which I'm still trying to recover from. After we counted down to 2008 with Dick Clark, I had to go have a moment. Last year when I saw Dick Clark on TV, I was hopeful for my dad's recovery. This year was a reminder that dad is gone and I really miss him and think about him often.

Our granddaughters are wonderful, cute, funny, and we love them so much! Avah had her 1st birthday last week.

one red paperclip

Kyle Macdonald traded one red paperclip for something better and then traded that item, etc, etc until he had traded up to a house. His great story is in the new book One Red Paperclip which I read in three days. Kyle's story is inspiring and his writing is fresh and funny. Each chapter is about a trade - only 14 to get from paperclip to house! And then the great finale which I won't ruin for you, but let's say it's bigger and better than the house

There's Nothing Wrong with Napping

I KNEW it!! I take a long nap every day that I can.
I found this on Gizmundo where there's
Good News and Positive Stories ... Served Daily
and don't we all need more of that?

The Goonies

I love The Goonies. Also the Princess Bride - both have "Where are they now" articles on this link. Another Goonies movie would be great! These two have made it to my DVD collection which I am very particular about. It is a very small collection.

Suicide by Hillary

My mother-in-law on talk radio:

My doctor was in a rock band last week

Last Monday, my son and I went to the doctor with sinus infections. The doctor commented on my son's punk rock t-shirt saying, 'their drummer is sick.' Turns out he is a drummer. In a rock band. AND had CD's at the checkout desk and said we could have one. The group is called altered and CD title is Dreaming Awake. Of course, as soon as I listen to the CD (it's good) and check out their MySpace, I read this bulletin:

After almost four years and one amazing & crazy ride, ALTERED is
stepping away from the music scene.

Nice. I'm a few days late. But hey, they have free downloads so check it out!

Brought to your attention by Mocove

Two of my favorite blogs each had a great post. girlfriday refers to our fear of talking about sex in her post You Might Feel Dirty Reading this Post . And on BookLust for Silly Poetry Friday, there's this gem by Dorothy Parker:

General Review Of The Sex Situation

Woman wants monogamy;
Man delights in novelty.
Love is woman's moon and sun;
Man has other forms of fun.
Woman lives but in her lord;
Count to ten, and man is bored.
With this the gist and sum of it,
What earthly good can come of it?

Babies

It's the Little One (Rae) and the Big One (Avah). The cousins. The Camo Cousins. Sometimes referred to as twins by extremely confused strangers. They are cute, cuddly and drool a lot. I love them so much, it's amazing!

My crazy mother is driving me crazy

Mom is having a tough time at the nursing home - mostly from narcotic withdrawal. She calls a dozen times a day to complain about the staff - the nurses don't give her meds on time; they took all her over-the-counter meds; they aren't helping with her incontinence; someone stole money from her room; she doesn't sleep; she needs money; she's mad at my sister; she wants to review her will; she wants a new doctor. She may be able to get into independent living when the facility is medicaid approved, but that could be a while. She has bipolar and schizo affective disorders, Parkinson's, diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid imbalance, arthritis and a wide variety of aches, pains and complaints. I do not doubt that she doesn't feel good but she has been like this for over 30 years. If I run there (a 45 min. drive) to bring her stuff, money and meet with the staff, have lunch with her and spend 3-4 hours, she'll need the whole routine repeated. If I try to avoid her by not returning her calls, she gets desperate, angry, crying, leaving the same detailed message over and over. My psychologist says she's a manipulator. I need to set boundaries because it's spiralling out of control.

What Kind of Sandwich are You?

We've all heard about the 'sandwich generation' - those of us who have elderly parents who need care and children who are needing us for various reasons. I can relate to that - so if they are the outside - are they bread? Whole grain? Kaiser roll? Do they suck us dry with their absorbancy? Or hold onto us by having us in their pocket? If we are the inside, what kind of stuff are we? lunch meat? pb&j? Are we supplying valuable nutrients? Do we compliment our outside layers without overpowering? Or do we get too wrapped up trying to control how everything goes together? Are we stuck like cement or can we move about freely?

Living in a sandwich situation is stressful. There may be no escape, so coping adequately is important. Recently, I had to neglect my mom to take care of my daughter. Today I went to the nursing home and met with the social worker, the director of nursing, the business office and physical therapy to touch base, iron out problems, ask questions, placate mom mostly. She was having great difficulty with pain medication - wanting more and more narcotics. I thought we had cleared it up for her, but she's called 3 times tonight to say nothing had changed. She's just not going to be happy and I'm going to have to hear about it. She says all kinds of stuff that's not happening, but when I confront her she doesn't back down. This is part of her bipolar/schizo affective disorder. Her side of the sandwich is a crusty, moldy, nasty piece that makes me sick. I don't like to be around, but I deal with what I have to and not let her know how I really feel. Sounds like time for a trip to the psychologist for me!

My daughter's side is high maintenance, but not irritating. She needs support and help right now while recovering and her husband being gone for National Guard training until October. She is doing her best, trying hard and pulling her weight in the situation. She takes care of the baby - they are still nursing after all this.

Of course, what I'd like to be is an Oreo sandwich cookie, but you can't have everything you want - at least not all the time.

Missing Dad

The thing about the first Father's Day without dad is that this time last year we were all at the Outer Banks here. We had a hat and jacket made for dad that said 'Ernie' as a joke from the fishing charter trip the year before where the captain kept calling out to dad 'God damn it Ernie - get your bait in the water!' We put the hat in his casket. My brothers and I went to the cemetery yesterday. That's the first time I've been to a cemetery to visit - not attending a funeral. There's no headstone yet and there's grass starting to grow there. It's really not a place that I would 'visit' dad. It makes me think about the casket, the funeral home, and dad being sick. One of my step-brothers and his family went to the Outer Banks for vacation this year - now there's a place to be visiting and reminiscing. Hopefully, we'll be able to go next year. It will be different, but life is different now with dad gone and grand babies here. Life is changing all the time. Sometimes it takes me a while to rest in order catch up to the changes.

Catching Up

Since the last post, it's been crisis mode. My daughter had a hard time with her labor and delivery. She pushed for 4 hours after her epidural wore off and ended up having to get a c-section. A week after she came home, we took her back to the hospital(not the same one she delivered at). She had clotting, an infection and a ruptured uterus. She had to have surgery to remove the infection and clotting and repair her uterus. She had to get 4 units of blood during the surgery. They put a couple drains in and she had wounds on each side of the incision to heal from the inside out. She had 21 staples in her incision. Her temperature kept spiking and an infectious disease specialist came to take care of her antibiotics. A hematologist was called to evaluate her low platelet count. The hospital stay was 13 long days and nights since we had the baby there. She continued to nurse as much as possible and the baby stayed overnight. Someone had to be there round the clock, so I was the day shift and her hubby spent the nights with them. She is home now and I change her dressings and give her 2 IV antibiotics through her PIC line. The ob/gyn will see her Friday and the infectious disease doc will see her a week from Monday.

Poor kid - 20 years old and any future pregnancies will have to be closely monitored. She is not feeling well at all and I'm afraid this isn't over. It was agony to see her in so much pain during labor. We are all very unhappy with how her labor and delivery was handled and that she was sent home having had a temperature that day and a low blood count. Her husband leaves for National Guard training a week from tomorrow (as if she doesn't have enough going on).

Meanwhile, mom is freaking at the nursing home. I didn't return calls until yesterday. The doc is weaning her off pain pills (Oxycontin) and she is frantic. She still gets vicodin and all her psych meds. Based on prior experience, she is having a manic episode. The more my daughter and brother were ill, the more things she needed.

My brother ended up in the hospital the last few weeks of his cancer treatment. He had so much pain and was home alone for the most part, so being at the hospital kept him hydrated and gave him resources for pain management. He is home now and his treatments are over, but I haven't talked to him because of being busy with my daughter. It will take a while for him to start feeling better and being able to eat again.

I cut my hours at the library from 14 to 4/wk. My boss suggested just working Monday evenings instead of quitting altogether, so I took her up on it. I haven't been to work for a couple weeks anyhow. School is out which means I don't have to drop off/pick up my son every day. I've been really missing dad - it's hard to be going through this without being able to talk to him. Thank God for my husband who is so understanding and often asks what he can do to help me - he's given back rubs, done laundry, cleaned house, whatever I've needed. And this whole time I'm away from home. Yesterday I finally made it to the grocery store. Right before everyone starved, too!

And one bright spot - my son got a pet rat since his room has been clean for a few weeks (my husband cleaned it using the rake) so we are watching them bond. Hopefully, it won't get loose in the house - the cat and dog would have fun, but I would not like it.

Raelynn Alexandra

Here she is!!!

She was born 3:13 am Monday morning May 7, 2007. She weighed 6 lbs 10.8oz and is 20 inches long. There's more to the story, but it will have to wait for later. We love her!

Chemotherapy with my Brother

Yesterday I went to chemo with my brother. He's being treated for throat cancer which started with surgery to remove a growth on his throat, tonsil on that side plus lymph nodes in the area. The following week he had a feeding tube put in and since his stomach is under his ribs, needed to go to the hospital for the procedure. That was the night Dad died. My little brother and my sister-in-law had to go to the hospital and tell him the following morning. So he was to start treatment the following week, but we had calling hours and the funeral. He didn't take his meds before the first treatment and was pretty sick but got squared away on that now. He's getting 6 weeks of radiation 5 times/week and chemo on Fridays. Last Friday his wife was off for spring break and was there. The Friday before he went by himself. First he goes for radiation treatment which doesn't take too long and then to the cancer treatment center. They have small partitioned booths with an easy chair, a visitor chair, a TV and a small hospital type night stand. He already had his IV in his hand. They gave him 4 bags of stuff - the chemo (2 bags), anti-nausea med and saline. It takes 3-1/2 hours for all that to drip, one bag at a time.

He was glad I was there to help pass the time. I can be pretty chatty. OK, I can chat up a storm. We watch some funny sitcoms and fishing and Jerry Lewis in The Nutty Professor. I went to the cafeteria and got him some pudding and oatmeal. He says his throat is stiff, it's hard to chew stuff, he's lost his appetite and is nauseous a lot. So far, his main side effect is being tired. They were going to deliver his feeding tube food so he could start on that since he's lost weight. Hopefully, that will give him a little energy. I could tell he was scared and depressed. I'll be there next Friday.

Patent # 6551086

Years ago, when I worked as a tire engineer at Goodyear, I got a patent. Well, along with a bunch of other engineers. But still - pretty cool, huh?

The Swiss Alps

My favorite part of our trip to Europe. The clean, crisp air cleared my head. Remote, snow-covered and not reachable by vehicles, the mountains were everywhere - all-consuming.

Here I sit on a terrace in the village of Murren enjoying some hot ovaltine - YUM!

Honduras Scuba Diving

Hubby with the resort bird.

Hubby & stepson under the sea.

Happy Easter

Luke 23:34

And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." And they cast lots to divide his garments.

Kind of like my Easter. We're starting to work on mom's apartment - cleaning out clutter, dividing up her stuff. It's tedious, nostalgic, bittersweet and a chore. My little brother swooped in to grab a couple things he wanted and take off without actually helping. On the other hand, dad's stuff is being auctioned off. He had cool stuff - dirt bikes, fishing stuff, model airplane stuff, a garage full of stuff, a basement full of stuff. He had lots of hobbies he loved and stuff he did with my brothers like bmx. Today a list came out with how much some things went for - a tire, a mini-bike. It wasn't very nostalgic-like. Apparently, you had to show up with the vultures while things were being cleaned out to get anything you wanted. I am not that assertive so I'll just sit back and be resentful. Shame on me. I miss my dad.

The National Guard

My new son-in-law has joined the National Guard. He goes to training from June-October. There are great benefits - especially the education and bonus! A big concern:

According to the Pentagon, about 270,000 of America's over 347,000 Army Guard soldiers have served in either Afghanistan, Iraq, or both.

Bye Dad

Goodbye, Dad. I miss you so much. It's been really hard since your stroke. I'm sorry you were so sick. Thank you for trying so hard for so long. Thank you for our vacations at the Outer Banks. Thank you for always having good advice. Thanks for showing us how to enjoy life.

Last night were calling hours and the funeral is today.

Home Again Home Again

We're back! Vacation was great. Pictures to follow.

Stuck in Newark

After a wonderful 2 week vacation in Europe, our flight back to the states was delayed 5 hours and we arrived in Newark airport to find that flights had been cancelled and delayed due to weather. So not only did we wait 5 hours in Milan to catch our 9 hour flight - now we're stuck in Newark! The airline got us a hotel and meal vouchers and we should be home later tonight. We are tired and grouchy and achy. I want to blog about our adventures in Europe! Hopefully I will get to that soon. While we were gone, mom got home from the nursing home but ended up back in the hospital - I guess they are waiting for me to get back to 'deal with' that situation. My dad was back in the hospital where they found he had a bleeding ulcer. So I will check on the two of them before we take off to Florida for my husband's family reunion on Saturday. My son and I are going to Universal Studios for a couple days and my husband is taking his son to Honduras scuba diving for his 21st birthday present. We are looking forward to having some fun!

Grandbaby!!

Look at that beautiful smile!! The doctor said soon (which means early) I keep nagging her to take it easy.

Working hard or hardly working

The road to easy parenting is lined with little thought. This goes both ways - overdone praise or automatic discipline. My answer to 'that kid needs a spanking' is that I've always given myself enough credit to outsmart my kid with appropriate consequences. Kids need to learn to be responsible for themselves. We have to teach them self encouragement, motivation and discipline. It is not an easy task.

Lunar Eclipse in Paris

How romantic!! The one night we'll be in Paris and there's a lunar eclipse best seen from Europe.

And we missed it by going to bed around 9 - international travel will bust yer butt!

Paris Libraries

I'll let you know which of these Paris libraries I manage to get into after I return from my trip. (We're leaving Friday!)

Bibliothèque Forney, Hôtel de Sens, 1, rue du Figuier, Fourth Arrondissement; phone 42.78.14.60. Open Tuesday to Saturday 1:30 to 7 p.m.

Bibliothèque Mazarine, 23, Quai de Conti, Sixth Arrondissement; 44.41.44.06; http://www.bibliotheque-mazarine.fr/. Reading room open Monday to Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.; closed holidays and July 29 to Aug. 15. A pass for two consecutive days is free; a provisional pass, for 10 working days, is 7.50 euros, $9.10 at 1.21 to the euro.

Bibliothèque de l'Arsenal, 1, rue Sully, Fourth Arrondissement; 53.01.25.25; Open Monday to Friday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.; Saturday 10 a.m to 5 p.m.; closed Sundays, holidays and April 10 to 21.

Bibliothèque Ste.-Genevieve, 10, Place du Panthéon, Fifth Arrondissement; 44.41.97.97; www-bsg.univ-paris1.fr. Open Monday to Saturday, 10 a.m to 10 p.m.

Bibliothèque Nationale, 58, rue de Richelieu, Second Arrondissement; 53.79.59.59; http://www.bnf.fr/. Reading room open Tuesday to Saturday 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., and Sunday 9 a.m to 12:30 p.m. and 1:30 to 7 p.m.

Bibliothèque François Mitterrand, Quai François-Mauriac, 13th Arrondissement; 53.79.59.59. Exhibitions and reading rooms open Tuesday to Friday 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., and Saturday 1 to 7 p.m. Entry: 3.30 euros.

Valentine's Day Wedding

Despite the blizzard, my daughter's wedding was wonderful. She looked beautiful!

Throat Cancer

Those phone calls that start "I have some bad news.." just make the heart sink right down to the stomach. My brother called last night to say he has a tumor in his throat. He will need surgery, radiation therapy and chemotherapy to treat it; also an MRI will be done to check for cancer in other places. My stupid reply was "You're kidding me!" Really - I thought (hoped) it was a joke - a little prank. Not so. And he comforted me saying he'll be alright. This just sucks.


As a teen taking care of my bipolar mom, I would lay in bed with her crying in pain from arthritis praying to God to just let me have her pain instead. It's silly to think that my prayers were answered and for years I was able to avoid it, but finally the doctor diagnosed bipolar disorder. My emotional pain and distress dwarfed hers - it's hard to believe she has lived through that.

That makes me wonder if my brother had those same types of thoughts when dad had his stroke. Parents would gladly take their children's suffering. We hope and pray we could relieve our parent's suffering. Unfortunately, that isn't possible and now we experience our own illness using our parents as an example of bravery, perseverance and hope.

The new Blogger and Blog

Well, I switched to the new Blogger, lost some items, deleted links and blogs that I no longer had interest in. Then I notice - I haven't posted since the 1st of January!! Well, let me tell you - since then I have quit smoking - so there!! Other than that, we've been enjoying the new grand baby, planning a Valentine's Day wedding and trying to keep track of our parents. My dad - new nursing home, things going OK. My mom - still in nursing home, was sick, but now on the mend. My mother-in-law in MI - another trip to the hospital for irregular heartbeat, dehydration - she's supposed to come home Monday. So that's the latest quick news. Oh - and we're planning a trip to Europe around my husband's business trip. We'll go to Amsterdam, Paris, Luxembourg and we're talking about Italy. Now that is exciting!

Dad and my little bro

Fishing this summer at Cape Hatteras.

Oh Happy Day!

Finally! If you remember I posted about this in October. I will be looking forward to paying 1/3 of what I pay now for visits to the psychiatrist and psychologist.

Avah Margret

Here's my new granddaughter: Avah Margret, 7 lbs, 19 in. born Dec 28 at 4:04 am

Elves and More

Some friends of mine made the news! What a great idea.

Dear Dad

You are back in the hospital with an infection, but not as sick as before. Cindy's glad you are being cared for and we're not happy with the quality of care you had at the nursing home. It would be great to find a better place or some alternative. It's been almost 4 months since your stroke and I miss you while getting to know you at the same time. I love to spend time with you holding your hand. This is so hard for everyone - I can't imagine what it is like for you. It makes me wonder about life vs. quality of life. You are so determined and strong to keep doing your therapy. The gains are slow and small - we are so excited and proud with every improvement. I see that quality of patience and perseverance in myself, but in the same circumstances I'm not sure I could hang in there. This is a life changing event - everyone in the family is affected. My family would be very strong and take very good care of me, but I don't know if that's what is best overall.

You've been in and out of ICU again. We don't know what happens next since you have a trach and there's only a couple places that take trach patients and they are not the nicest of places. This must be tiring for you beyond belief. At this point you don't get much of a choice about your treatment or future. I hate to see you agitated and upset. Today I didn't wake you when I visited. You deserve peace and rest. I love you so much.

Personal Diction.ary

Merry Christmas to me! Yesterday, we went to visit good friends and previous neighbors, Lady H and her family. Her gift basket to me included homemade soup and sauce mix, fireside coffee mix (yum as I am sipping it now), raspberry hot cocoa mix (double yum from last night), recipes to make aforementioned mixes plus more and (drum roll please) . . . . A Christian Personal Dictionary! I am the proud owner of an exclusive, unique, numbered copy of the original Personal Dictionary published a few years ago and have now been blessed by a Christian version. What is a Personal Dictionary? you ask. Well, according to the intro page:

How to use this dictionary: Some of what follows are clearly questions. Others are not. It is more interesting and comprehensive to throw out a writing prompt in the the author - you, can fill in the words surrounding the thought and then respond. I believe how you perceive the prompt is as telling as the answer. Thus, when you are finished, the dictionary should be even more definitive.
Good luck and enjoy!

Also useful as a conversation starter, a type of memoir, or any number of other journal type of thing - the personal dictionary will make you think! Here's an example of some prompts:

• glad sacrifices
• righteous anger
• Bible character you most identify with

How can you get yours? Ahhh - you can't. Unless you deluge me with email that I forward to my friend and maybe she will consider publishing.

Thank you again, my friend and I will put your Christmas surprise in my car so I get it to you soon (hopefully before Christmas)

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

According to this NYT article (free registration is required to view the entire article),

The effect of this simple gesture of social support is that the brain and body don't have to work as hard, they're less stressed in response to a threat," said Dr. James A. Coan, a psychologist at the University of Virginia and the study's lead author. His co-authors were Dr. Hillary Schaefer and Dr. Richard J. Davidson of the University of Wisconsin.
Relaxing in the face of a perceived threat is not always a good idea. The brain's alarm system, which prompts the release of stress hormones that increase heart rate and move blood to the muscles, prepares people to fight or run for their lives, researchers say.
But this system often becomes overactive in situations that are nagging but not life threatening like worries over relationships, deadlines, money or homework. Easy access to an affectionate touch in these moments — or to a hug, a back rub or more — "is a very good thing, is deeply soothing," Dr. Coan said.

Dad often reaches his hand out and we hold it. It is comforting to know that he is being soothed.

If it's not one parent, it's two

Mom fell this week, breaking her ankle in 3 places. Surgery on the ankle consisted of opening it up on both sides and putting it back together with pins, plates and screws. The cast stays on for 3 months and she'll be going into a nursing home near her apartment building. Now my days consist of visiting both mom in the hospital and dad at The Pond, picking up my son from school, trying to feed my family dinner and maybe throwing a load of laundry in. Today I changed the sheets on our bed - whoo hoo!! I've got 20 Christmas cards in envelopes without addresses or stamps. Christmas shopping is almost done and the wrapping paper is ready to roll. I don't bake and the tree is still in the attic.

Every detail of mom's injury and hospital stay is compared with dad's. She can hit her call button, eat food, sit on a bedpan, swallow pills, talk coherently, move both sides of her body, use the phone. I have to keep my mouth shut so that she can have her own experience, her own pain and not be put down by me pointing out that dad is worse off than her in every single aspect of her experience. BTW, my parents are divorced but harbor no bad feelings now. Mom lived alone and my brother and I are double teaming her. Dad is remarried, so my step-mom and I keep up with him.

Ummm--hey that leaves me spread thin. Self-care today included a really good nap...with hubby.

Noting Thanks

People ask how dad is and when I enthusiastically answer 'good!' they mention something like a walker or going home. Well...my enthusiasm extends to dad not having an infection, not being in the hospital and being able to talk. Then I go on to explain how his TIA's (mini-strokes) prior to his major stroke affected one side of his brain, his major stroke left his left side paralyzed, damage to his basal ganglia makes his right arm and leg move involuntarily. He can't do much of anything - they use a big sling/hoist thing to get him out of bed and into a wheelchair. He is still being tube fed and is incontinent. He can't push the call button if he needs something. BUT he IS working in rehabilitation on swallowing, sitting, standing, reaching, looking to the left -- numerous things you wouldn't even think about he does even if he needs someone (or two someones) to hold him up sitting or push him up and hold him standing. I am noting thanks for him being able to gag when the speech therapist checks to see if he has sensation in his throat. I am noting thanks for every 10 or 15 seconds he can stand holding onto bars with therapists in front and back supporting him. I was thankful when he knew my step mom was gone for 6 hours even though he didn't know what year it was. The most thankful moment was the first time he opened his eyes and saw me weeks after the stroke. Another was when he mouthed my name and tried to whisper 'I love you.' Looking back and realizing how long he was unconscious (weeks) and how long he couldn't talk because of his trach (months) and noting that every day that passes means that we are that much farther away from when he had his stroke, I am thankful. To someone who is looking in from the outside, things seem pretty bad; but for me, things are 'good.' Happy Thanksgiving to All!!

Children and Domestic Violence

This article only mentions that children who witness violence can have emotional and behavioral problems. From my observations, children - no matter the age - are affected in a post-traumatic stress syndrome kind of way. Young children are traumatized by the sight of someone who should be unconditionally trusted endangering the other parent. One of the worst, deepest and lasting types of damage a kid can have is the fear of abandonment. Older kids are embarrassed and angry. Young adult children wonder about their children being affected.

Myself, I have learned to have a Zero Tolerance for domestic violence.
Also, always call 911 - whether you or your neighbor need help - don't leave cries for help unanswered.
And please file charges, get a restraining order - protect your family!

Noble's Pond

Dad arrived at what we now call 'the pond' a week ago Thursday. He worked with the therapists there, getting assessments, showing what he could do and how much assistance he needed to do them. When people ask me how he's doing and I talk about how good he's doing and how hard he's working, they will say something like 'oh, is he using a walker?' Then I have to explain that well, he really can't do anything by himself -- I have seen him go from unconscious to shaking his finger at me, giving me a hard time (all in good fun) Each inch farther he can reach, each second longer he can sit, each day he can remember what year it is -- that is progress and I am thrilled.

So he was at 'the pond' for a few days and then pulled out his feeding tube. The nursing staff put it back in, but he started vomiting, so he ended up in the emergency room where it turns out he had a bladder infection and lots of chest congestion and the doctor admitted him for a couple days. Of course, soon after starting the strong antibiotics for the infection, he got the intestinal infection he had before. Since they caught it soon, it cleared up fast and he was able to go back to the pond today.

It's a whole two-step-forward-one step-back kinda thing. Very frustrating. Requires determination, patience, perseverance and all that stuff. Dad does great with therapy - trying everything they tell him without complaining. Now if he can keep infections away, he's sure to start making two steps forward for each step back.

Look! My very own bookstore!

Anthony Burgess

In a previous post I told you about my son's interest in A Clockwork Orange. Well, he did a book report for school (he is in the 10th grade) and at first got 36/40 points with the very first thing the teacher marked incorrect being the author. Take a look at the original report:

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
Chris L.
3rd Period
A Clockwork Orange was written by Anthony Burgess. This book has influenced culture a lot. A Clockwork Orange was originally published in 1962 in England. The book was released in the U.S. but the publisher left out the last chapter; because of this, the movie version of A Clockwork Orange (made by Stanley Kubrick) left out the ending of the book. The book is written in a first person point of view. A Clockwork Orange uses a strange vocabulary of slang terms that Anthony Burgess made up.
The story is set somewhere in the 1960's in an average city. The main character, Alex, is a horrible kid. With his gang, he commits horrible crimes; for example, robbery, rape, and vicious beatings of random people in the streets. His gang consists of 4 members: Alex (the leader), Pete, George, and Dim (Dim is the stupid, rough one). They use strange words like droog (a gang member) and horrorshow (cool or good). They dress in white outfits with black bowler caps and boots.
The book shows you the horrible things that Alex has done, and has gone through. Alex and his droogs (gang members) commit various crimes during the night. Alex is a very cocky character and eventually his gang starts to turn on him. While they were breaking into a womans house, the police were called by the homeowner. When Alex ran out of the house, he was cracked over the head with a milk bottle. His droogs got away and left him to get caught. Alex was sent to prison; in prison he heard of a special treatment that he could go through to get out of jail. The treatment was very horrible; Alex was strapped to a chair with his eyes held open. He had to watch horrible movies of murder, rape, and other crimes. The treatment eventually made him sick, so when he acted in a bad fashion, he felt sick. After the treatment he was released and had to go through horrible things.
The themes in A Clockwork Orange are very unclear. I think that one of the themes tells how people sometimes get what they deserve. Alex deserved to be imprisoned. It also shows you that people change and recieve things that they don't deserve. A man gets revenge on Alex after he is released from jail. A Clockwork Orange shows people that sometimes it's fun to be a bad person. Alex goes through phases throughout the story; at first he is a horrible person and by the end of the story he is a normal man.
I highly recommend A Clockwork Orange, it's a very interesting book. I liked it because even though Alex was such a horrible person, I grew to like him. The vocabulary used in the book is very entertaining. Although I liked this book I wouldn't recommend it to people that have gone through traumatic experiences like rape, and harsh beatings. My sister found it very offensive and disgusting. It has very horrible parts in it, but it's interesting to see a person my age change like Alex did. I also recommend the movie, although it is old, it summarizes the book very well. A Clockwork Orange is one of my favorite books.

The teacher told Chris "I don't remember who the author is, but this is wrong." So he tried to tell her maybe she was confused with Stanley Kubrick who made the film and she said no. Then he had to prove it to her on the Internet and ended up with 38/40 points for his report.

Can you hear me screaming?? A language arts teacher!!??? AND YOU THINK SHE COULD HAVE LOOKED IT UP BEFORE MARKING IT WRONG!

Pimp my Bookcart

Maybe I'll enter. Maybe I'll win. Wouldn't that be cool?

Moving on down to the 4th Floor

Dad is now in the Rehabilitation Center on the 4th floor of the hospital. He seemed anxious and after a full day today, was quite out of sorts when I got there. A busy day, a new schedule and lots and lots of work for him. The speech therapist worked on swallowing. Another day or two and his trach site will be healed over so he can do a barium swallow test. He got to have some water, pudding and other treats so that she could see how he's doing. Yummy since the only thing he's had in his mouth has been a bit of mouthwash on a little sponge and some tart lemon swabs to stimulate salivating.

Physical therapy wore him out. He complained about the pain - getting stretched after being bedridden for 6 weeks is going to be hard. He also went on about some off the wall stuff, but after he started to calm down, that went away. Our hope is that he can recover enough to come home. The hard thing is trying to encourage him without threatening him or making him feel that it's his fault if he doesn't improve. It's possible that he won't be able to accomplish certain things. And then you have to make it upbeat that working hard and being in pain is what he has to do in order to make progress. And then I wonder if therapy just keeps getting harder because once he gets to one point, there will always be more to work on. Plus we have no idea of how it feels for him and he knows it and says that and I wish we could take some of that from him. He has to do all this extremely hard work himself.

So that was Day 1. Keep tuned in!

The most interesting things can happen at Libraries

A naked display of emotion over library closings

The Friends of the Kingsteignton Library in Devon, England, are taking the threatened closure of one of 12 underused libraries by the county council seriously enough to engage in a nude protest. Local library lovers—among them several councilors at the district and parish levels—have been demonstrating against the closing of the library, rain or shine, since February. But last summer, chanting “Don’t strip us of our library,” the group staged a nude indoor protest behind a shelf of large-print books....

What Hurts My Feelings

Not being Informed.
Not being Included.
Not being Invited.
Not being Introduced.

Not being Appreciated.
Not being Acknowledged.

Snacks at School

Finally a very commen sense idea - let's get all the high calorie, sugary, non-nutritional junk out of school. Things that have come off of our grocery list at home: chips, soda, candy and ice cream. There isn't a whole lot of baking going on - my oven doesn't do a very good job, although my family maintains that I'm the one that burns the bottoms of the cookies.

Another idea on how to help the child obesity problem: PE for everyone. All grades, all days.
Some things my teens seemed to enjoy (besides changing for gym):

• being able to choose from different activities (archery, golf, softball, etc.)
• doing circuit training in the weight room
• working on the Presidential Council on Fitness Challenge

Some fit things we've done as a family:

• taken karate class together
• passes to the amusement park in the summer meant lots of walking

Ok, that's a couple things off the top of my head - not enough really. And we reflect that.

What I've Learned

What I've learned in the last few weeks:

Not to take for granted breathing, speaking, eating, or my body's ability to move.
That everyone has their own way of dealing with and responding to stress.
That little kindnesses mean a lot and big problems can be insignificant in the blink of an eye.


That any day is a good day when:

You can look your loved one in the eye and say "I love you"
You can touch, hug, kiss and hold someone who can touch, hug, kiss and hold you - well, even if they can't and at least you can.

What else is going on?

You ask...I answer. My hubby had surgery on his knee to fix some torn cartilige. It was outpatient surgery and he hobbled around home less than a week. Now he's doing physical therapy and will be better than new in no time!

My heel pain is constant and worsening caused by plantar fasciatis. The doc gave me a cortisone shot which had lidocane which eliminated all the pain for about an hour. So for that short, sweet time there was no pain and it became so clear how bad and how long this thing has hurt. The feeling of relief just rushed over me. But it crept back and hurts worse and in a larger area now - so back to the doc tomorrow. He said something about surgery if the shot didn't work....

Mattie (our french bulldog) has had some permanent nerve damage in her front paws and is taking a course of prednisone. She is still happy-go-lucky as usual.

We went to dinner for my daughter's 20th! birthday and had a blast! I kinda walked into a 'family joke' and the funny stuff went on and on. We laughed so hard, tears ran down our face. After all the stress about dad's stroke, the laughter was a great release.

Stroke effects

Dad was moved to Select Specialty Hospital within the hospital this week. The time spent in ICU seemed unending - a succession of days and nights - good and bad where we were hopeful one minute and waiting for the worst the next. Dad was in a morphine induced coma to help keep him calm so that his blood pressure wouldn't spike. When they tried to bring him out of that, they still had him on one med that caused headache, so kept up the morphine to keep him comfortable. There were days when he was very agitated. For more than a week, he didn't open his eyes. He was on a ventilator, feeding tube, IV and had tubes everywhere. He had a special air bed that would turn him slightly from side to side to prevent bed sores.

Trying to make him more comfortable and reduce the risk of infection, the nurses inserted a PICC line. A day or two after that, they put his feeding tube into his stomach instead of down his throat. He developed an infection last week. We thought it could be a turn for the worse. Once they got the fever down, they did a tracheotomy. Now nothing is down his throat!

Yesterday was his first day at Select. I got there about 8:30am. The place is busy; much different than ICU with nurses having about 4 patients each. Dad has a team of a few nurses, a couple aides, his doctors(family, infectious disease, intensive care, neurology) , and the therapists(physical and speech) Everyone needed to assess him and by early afternoon, he was zonked. The most exciting part was the speech therapist who really got him responding and he seemed happy about that. For the first time since the stroke, he looked me in the eyes, seemed to recognize me, squeezed my hand and even mouthed that he was hot, so I took his blanket off.

Baby steps, Baby steps

Dad's Stroke

My dad had a stroke the week before last. He had been working outside. My brothers were going to visit and when they got there, he was sitting in a chair unable to move. He regained movement about 10 hours later at the hospital. He needed surgery on his carotid artery which was blocked. Since it was scheduled for the following Tuesday, he got to go home for the weekend. He was at my niece's 1st birthday party on Sunday. Tuesday's surgery was pushed to Wednesday because the surgeon had an emergency. During surgery Wednesday, he had another stroke. He had another surgery following that to make sure the artery was clear. They kept him in a coma to keep his blood pressure down and started to bring him out of it Friday. A scan showed small vascular disease in his brain. His left side is paralyzed, he's on a respirator, being tube fed and given pain meds. When the blood pressure and pain meds start to wear off, he starts to wake and his blood pressure spikes. He is very uncomfortable and agitated at that point. This morning when I called the nurse said he rested well during the night, so I'll be spending the morning with him. Yesterday he had tears. They are starting to wean him off the respirator. He is making small improvements like that. From what I can observe and what I've read surviving a stroke is not an easy process. He has been such a support for me; the parent I could count on for stability. Now I want to be there with him and for him. I hope it is some comfort to him that his family is there and not upsetting for him.

This is hard hard hard.

girlfriday: my best advice

My best blog friend, girlfriday gives us a confidence boost.

I also love Stephen Colbert's article in Wired.

Mom, I have something important to tell you

Yes, those were the words on my voicemail this afternoon. My daughter found out she's pregnant today. She had told me about her period being late earlier this week. So now we are expecting two new grandbabies. It's a little different when it's your daughter who is pregnant. I'm concerned about her health and her pregnancy. She has endometriosis, so being pregnant will help give her body a break from that. She's been having unprotected sex with her fiancee for a while, so I think she was concerned about being able to get pregnant. She's petite and has some other health problems, so I hope everything goes well for her.

They just started college and are living with her dad's girlfriend right now. They planned to get work/study jobs and live there for a while. Now they'll need a place of their own. They are struggling financially. They were planning a September 2007 wedding. They have lots of things running through their minds right now. She went to the doctor and he focused them for the moment by saying that since she has endometriosis, this is a blessing and they should think nothing but positive thoughts. Good advice.

Artist or Actress?

Today our painting class was filmed by our local PBS station. For the first time, I was the first to finish painting and was filmed signing my painting! This was my best work yet - a scene of water crashing into a large rock jutting out of the ocean. If there's any broadcast, I'll be sure to blog about it.