We're going to be Grandparents!

My stepson and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. It is an unexpected surprise for all, but we are looking at the bright spots. I've been in the 'in-between' group of my friends. One has small children, getting started with her family in her 40's. Pregnancy, childbirth, babies, toddlers and children - all wonderful memories now. When I watch her chasing after her little one, I am grateful that that exhausting time is in the past. Another friend has five children, the oldest of which has two children, making her a grandma. Last year, my sister became a grandma and this year she will have two more grandkids. Even though I admit I was jealous, I realized that our kids were young and it would be a while before we would have grandkids. Well, now that is in the future and my grandma fantasies can become realities. In the children's department at the library, grandparents bring their grandkids to story hour. They read to them, pick out books, put together puzzles, look at the fish and our turtle, Spike. We have books on grandparenthood, activities to do with grandkids, etc, etc.

We are all starting to think of each other differently. They are starting a family, a new life and moving from dependence on us to having someone depend on them. You can tell they see us as parents - not the authority figure of their childhood but parents like them. We have this in common - expecting a baby. What greater event to expect? They can tell that we know how excited and scared they are - that we've been through the long wait of pregnancy and the uncertainty of childbirth. It may take a while for the reality of not only a life - but a lifetime of a child is ahead of them - their child to love, teach, take care of and enjoy. They are no longer young adults trying to find their way - they have the path ahead of them now.

This is How I Am

Just a rambling post about how I feel today, which is like a slug! I've been lazy, unmotivated, blah, a couch potato, dragging, limping because of my heel pain, sleeping so hard during my nap that my husband greeted me with 'nice drool' upon seeing my pillow. My usual routine consists of the morning routine: get up, bathroom, coffee, let dog out, have cigarette (unless I've quit smoking that day), make simple breakfasts for hubby and son, pack lunch for husband, kiss him goodbye, take son to school. Then if it's a work day, I get ready & go to work for 5 hours shelving books at the library - a job which I LOVE for so many reasons: it's peaceful, I love books, no late fees for employees, coworkers are great, boss is even better and I have the best schedule in the world - I work Tue, Wed & Thur. Yes, 5 hours 3 days a week with a 4 day weekend every week at a job I LOVE. But if it's not a work day, I come home & tidy up, work on laundry, grocery shop, clean house, do errands, lunch with a friend - but only one of those. One activity a day is usually all that's accomplished. I'm a very low energy person - a type B personality, perhaps with adult ADD, an underactive thyroid (I take synthroid), depression (ditto on anti-depressants), aches and pains (anti-inflammatory meds), sleep apnea or maybe I'm just relaxed - a little too much. Once a week or so a spurt of energy shows up in time for me to keep my head above water. All this - and it's so much better than it used to be when I was a divorced, full-time working mom of 2 finishing college at night with an ex that didn't pay child support consistently for so long, he's $25,000 in arrears. Then I had NO energy, but managed to take the kids to their sports practices and games, scout meetings, friend's houses, movies, museums, fire station open houses for the free pancake breakfasts, the library (of course) and even saved for a vacation to Disney World. My house looked like it should be condemned, but everyone said the kids are only young once and they don't care. Well, at 19 and 15, I can see that was right - I am enjoying these young adults and am proud of our life. Things were not perfect - you do your best, work on priorities - but there will always be some things that were hard. I had to learn to make decisions even if there was no really good choices or outcome to be found. Adulthood - Responsibility - not always fun and games.

Choosing a Nursing Home

In anticipation of the possibility of admitting mom to a nursing home, I've found this site which will work up and email a comparison report. I'm also talking to her doctors, nurses, social worker at the hospital, and her case worker at the Area Agency on Aging. Mom's been a Passport client for many years, which has enabled her to live on her own. If you have aging or ill parents, contact your local Area Agency on Aging - it is an excellent source of information and assistance.

Parkinson's

Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's a couple months ago. After falling again, we stayed with her around the clock as she was in a wheelchair and needed assistance for everything. Last week, she was admitted to the hospital for more rehab. The neurologist increased her medication and she's getting intensive therapy. The Parkinson's was much more advanced than they first thought. Now we need to figure out if she will be able to go back home on her own. She could spend some time in a nursing home until she is able to be safe by herself. She's 70, has osteoporosis, diabetes, bipolar disorder and now Parkinson's - it's likely a nursing home is in the future.

Washington, DC

My son and I spent part of spring break at our nation's capital. It was my first visit and I can't wait to go back. At the zoo, we got a great view of Tai Shan. All three pandas were sleeping - Tai Shan in a tree - but it wasn't crowded and was so great to see them up close.

At the Library of Congress I applied for a reader registration card which gives me access to most of the reading rooms and we headed straight for the main reading room. I could spend an unlimited amount of time here among the 22 reading rooms and 3 buildings.

It was cherry blossom season and the spring days were beautiful. My son especially enjoyed riding the metro and we spent some time at Union Station where we shopped, had lunch and saw "V for Vendetta" because when you're 14 and sight-seeing you must spend a lot of time doing things that you could do at home!

Child Bride

This report really was amazing. I wonder how many innocent people are living in similarly evil situations. Far too many I am sure.

Kevin Sites in the Hot Zone From Yahoo! News

Change in Antidepressants May Beat Depression

A report at Forbes.com goes through the trial and error of getting the medication cocktail right. There are a lot of people who give up before they get better. The search for the holy grail can take some time.

Mom's Depression

An article in Forbes.com states the obvious and it's good that this is being studied. Parents - take care of yourselves! When my kids were growing up, I was a single working mom suffering from major depression/bipolar disorder. The battle seemed endless, and the fight went on day after day, medication after medication. After seeing what my mom went through when I was a kid, I was determined to do everything my doctor told me. Finally, it paid off but our life was affected - how can it not be? The highest priority as a parent is to take care of yourself; take care of your marriage; and take care of your kids. An unhealthy parent and/or unhealthy marriage can't set the stage for healthy kids. At times, it seems the right thing to do - put the kids first - before your mental health - instead of your marriage, but unhappy people make poor parents and provide poor examples of how to function in life.

For families dealing with depression, a book I highly recommend is Talking to Depression: Simple Ways to Connect When Someone in Your Life is Depressed.

If your child is suffering from depression, my favorite resource is Lonely, Sad and Angry.

A website that points to all others and has a great online community is Bipolar World.

The Mighty Migraine

Woken by a migraine this morning, I begin the quest for relief. Coffee and a cigarette - nicotine and caffeine. Ran out of Relpax - have to drive 15 minutes to the drug store by my husband's work because it's less expensive there thank you formulary/non-formulary lists. The lady at the pharmacy asks how I'm doing. I've got a migraine and didn't refill my medicine. She says she can see it in my face (that bad, huh?) and that she does the same thing, thinking 'maybe I won't get another one.' She let's me know that the pack of six pills is a 3 day supply and I can get a refill that soon. Good, I'll be stocking up.

Back at home I take a pill, Xlear my sinuses, warm up my Bed Buddy, put in my brux guard and lay down. I look at the clock to see when I can take another Relpax. After 20 minutes, I get up and take a muscle relaxer. I think I fall asleep and then damn the coffee I have to get up and pee. Reheat the Bed Buddy, take out the brux guard and sleep for an hour. Hmmmm - feeling better, I get up and take that second Relpax and have some toast. Now it's time to tiptoe around the phantom pain left so that the migraine doesn't come back because if it does, it will be worse than the first. I miss my husband who left yesterday on a business trip overseas. Make a mental list of people to call if I need to go to the ER.

Since they're menstrual migraines, I reluctantly hope for menopause. That's just wrong. I'm only 45. But if I got to choose when the headaches would stop, it would be sooner rather than later. Ok, I'll be taking it easy the rest of the weekend, giving myself scalp massages, doing gentle stretches and trying not to read or make any sudden movements. Now I just need to figure out what to do to prevent my retarded dog from barking.

Bird Flu

The bird flu scares me. Every day there is very bad news.

Two children in Indonesia have died and today there was a report that Israel has confirmed cases.
There is such a wide range of measures to detect, destroy, and defend depending on each country's resources and procedures that I feel that the spread will just keep gaining momentum. I pray for all the people who have become ill and for the families that have lost loved ones.

Depleted Uranium

Dr. Helen Caldicott on Depleted Uranium

My son, the apparently more aware of some things than I, gave me this article. Something else to be mad about. I'm going to get him a book on teen activism. He's ripe for it.

Whatever Goes Down, Must Come Up

After months of let's call it seasonal depression, the fog lifts when robins start plopping around and the sun comes up much earlier. For a few days, a breeze of giddiness sets in and I'm joking, teasing and filled with happy songs in my head. An energy courses through my body. Thoughts of hope and plans and optimism race around in my brain. Who am I? Trying to reconcile this person with the normal me and the depressed me, I wonder what I am. Describing my mom to someone recently, I said that it was like having three moms - manic mom, depressed mom and normal mom. For me, being bipolar feels like three different pieces of the same fabric. The fabric of life, if you will. One piece that is a beautiful expression of the soul, an accurate representation of the personality. Another part shows threads interwoven made of sparkling gold and silver that shimmer and move with a life of their own, an uncontrollable magic carpet. With depression, the shimmer disappears and the fabric is left with emptiness where the sparkle was and a rotting away of the threads that can barely hold it together. But through ups and downs, the same basic pattern is there and that's how I hold onto myself: knowing that these extremes are part of my life but my true self is the part that is always there. Indestructible holy thread woven by God to create me. The creator raises me as a flag, representing His love. Whatever state my soul is in will suit His purpose at that time.

A Clockwork Orange

After seeing the Stanley Kubrick film, my son, the 14 year old intellectual, read the book (including the original last chapter). He did a good job explaining it to me - similar to the article.

Jail time for parents

Beacon Journal 02/20/2006

Associated Press
COLUMBUS - Prison officials are asking lawmakers to consider alternatives to putting deadbeat parents behind bars, where they don't earn much money and continue failing to support their children. The 601 men and 24 women sent to prison in 2004 for not paying child support made $12 to $18 a month working prison jobs, while taxpayers paid about $63 a day for each prisoner's shelter, food, clothing and medical care. ``We strongly think each child should receive the support they are due,'' Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction spokeswoman Andrea Dean said. ``But we also understand there are going to be some deadbeat dads or parents for whom, if they had an opportunity, an alternative sanction other than prison would be a good option.'' About 2.5 percent of inmates admitted to prisons in 2004 were felony child support cases. Failure to pay child support is punishable by six to 12 months in prison. Repeat offenders can be imprisoned for as long as 18 months. Prison officials want lawmakers to consider work release or other programs that would allow nonviolent child support violators to work under supervision. They say those options could help ease crowding and save taxpayers the $23,000 each prisoner costs annually.

Having a child support arrearage of more than $5,000 OR moving to another state without reporting new employment qualify for felony violation. My ex has had approx. $25,000 in arrears for many years AND has moved to many different states without ever reporting his new employer. The child support agency hasn't filed charges. We usually manage to find where he is employed and as long as he's paying, what's the sense? My take? There should be a consistent way to apply the law or the law should be changed. The best child support change was allowing the state agency to collect directly from employers in another state. Before, if someone was in another state, it was a slow, cumbersome process which never worked for me.

My kids have done without and now that they are older, they will continue to lose out on opportunities. They have no college savings. Their dad hasn't filed income tax in order to avoid having child support arrearage taken from his refund; therefore, applying for financial aid becomes impossible. The amount of arrearage currently being paid is 20% of the current payment (one child now). Arrearage payments will continue to be paid after my youngest turns 18 in 3 years. (current estimate=80 months)

I believe that if he would have been jailed the first time, that may have been the last time he purposely avoided paying support.

My Politics

You are a Social Liberal (68% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (28% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

My Mom

Mom's recent experiences in falling: For years, she's had some kind of arthritis somewhere. At one point or another, every kind everywhere. So when she falls, injury occurs. Last time, she was admitted to the hospital while they examined her back. First few days the word according to mom was that they'd be doing surgery tomorrow. Finally, it was no surgery at all. She got to spend a week in the rehab unit where they said she did wonderfully. She sent me to her apartment to get some clothes and I counted 20 bottles of assorted psychiatric, pain, anti-inflammatory, cholesterol, and thyroid drugs plus stuff I don't know anything about. After talking to a couple of friends from the building and seeing that, it's no wonder she can't walk! I should have been suspicious when she called and asked if I had any tranquilizers a few weeks ago. Now, I have NEVER had tranquilizers nor given my mom ANY of my prescription medication. Well, while she was at the hospital she sounded pretty good, but after a day or two back home, it's back to the slurred speech. Today the gist of what she said was that she fell getting into her lift chair. It's a special chair that when you press a button, it lifts up to help you get out of it. She tries to get in it while it's in the lifted position. I told her to put the chair back down when she got out and just try getting into when it was down. Like a regular chair. The elderly, spaced-out mentally ill parent can be a source of frustration.

The Witching Hour

This term refers to an hour, typically midnight, when witches have a power surge. Or something like that. In my world, it refers to the time in the middle of the night that pops your eyes open. Or the time when you're trying to keep your eyes closed as long as possible before having to get up and go pee. I've been waking up in the middle of the night for so long, I can't remember when it started. When I used to smoke, it was time for a cigarette. Now I check my email and have a snack if my tummy is growling. If it's close enough to morning, I just stay up.

This waking in the middle of the night is a symptom of depression. The doc says if it bothers me, he'd give me something to help me sleep. No thanks, there's too many bottles of pills already in the medicine cabinet. My theory is that for all of history, some of the late night wonderers had vivid imaginations and interest in the occult; thus, the witching hour. That doesn't describe me at all, it's just the kind of stupid stuff I think about in the middle of the night.

My Valentine

My sweetheart of a husband sent me a pajama-gram on Valentine's Day! A cute, comfy set of jammies in a beautiful sheer hat box - just what the doctor ordered. On Valentine's Day, I was home after having tummy trouble the evening before, so I showered & changed from the jammies I'd been wearing to my new jammies. My recovery was speedy.

Catching Up

Here I am, guilty of neglecting my blog. My goal is to get some posts from mind to screen. First, an update on me (it is MY blog, right?) A couple pounds found another place to live. Maybe it's the water walking - I'm adding water aerobics soon. The pain in my heel (plantar fascia) led to a doctor's visit. He prescribed orthotics which the insurance needs a pre-cert, so when that gets done, my feet will be in comfort. The heel is the main reason for the water exercising. I figured out why the left heel hurts worse. When I get up from my knees while shelving books in the children's department, I use my left foot first. So I've been trying to use the right, which has no strength in comparison! I am wayyy to young to have these physical ailments.

Rolling Stones Censured and so much more

Rolling Stones Censured

Perhaps we are on our way....

TV censors deemed two lyrics too sexually explicit to be broadcast and they were cut from the three-song show.....ABC said the changes to the Stones' show were made by the US National Football League (NFL) and its producers.

and So Much More:

It seems there's a trend to control free speech around the world. If people are already dying as a result of the Islam cartoons, what happens next? What is the reaction of countries whose embassies have been attached? Which Muslim countries will band together about this?

Countries are in flux about elections, democracy, power: In Nepal

The rebels have called the week-long strike as part of a campaign to disrupt local elections due on Wednesday.

And then there's the countries getting and wanting weapons:

Venezuela and Iran:

Iran's dispute with the international community over its nuclear program deteriorated sharply yesterday when Tehran withdrew from an agreement with the UN's atomic watchdog and stepped up its controversial uranium enrichment work.

And we have troops in Iraq and Afghanistan fighting a war on terror which includes wiretapping American citizens. Is the world becoming a jumbled, confusing, difficult and scary place? Or has it always been that way and we didn't happen to live through it like the generations before us: WWI & II, the Cold War - you get the idea.